2 months old

And super wiggly! We sure love this peaceful, loving girl. Just like Korrali, she is growing right along with typical clothing sizes. She also vomits a lot- unsure if she gets car sick or just has a sensitive gag reflex but she is sure cute enough to make up for it!

Toilet Talk (no photos)

One of the things I appreciate most about parenthood is that some of the most poignant epiphanies can happen during the most mundane circumstances. Bed time is often the time for us.
A few weeks ago, Korrali was being especially silly at our bedtime song and asked for a song about eyes, then a song about family (pointing to the photos on her wall).  I took advantage and sang Families can be Together Forever. Because of her penchant for questions, and love of putting off bed time, we launched into a mini discussion about eternal family and the atonement.
It made me all glowy feeling inside.
Fast forward a few weeks, weeks full of back and forth about reverent prayers and wanting to play instead of scriptures etc.. The normal mode of life here.
Then at bed time potty Korrali was having a rather unpleasant conversation with the imaginary version of a real acquantaintance (her imaginary friends are all real people whom she loves usually). I decided I should intervene.. So I asked who she was talking to and she said the name of a girl in her nursery class whose mother passed away last year, and who misses her terribly and often has hard moments because of it.
Then we talked about having her over to play and Korrali asked about her mom. I told her she was with heavenly father - Korrali understands quite a bit about death after both our dog and a close close family friend passed   away last year. Then this happened:
K: she's dead, but she will come back.
Me: yes, but not for a long time. She misses her a lot.
K: yes, but heavenly father- her mommy- he made it so she can come back one day. (singing) I have a family here on Earth, they are so good to me!

I don't think I can take credit, but I'm just so glad I was there to hear her mind putting things together with such unshaken belief.

Happy New Year in February!

I'm claiming my Chinese heritage, and making my Chinese New Year resolution to recommence recording our family's history via blog.
I won't go back too far - just to January 2016. Witness life according to our Amazon Cloud Drive.

We celebrated New Years by buying several fancy cheeses and consuming them. Also making family / pregnancy appropriate fondue. Yum.

Geneva and Aunt Jeanene and M and J visited Grammy so of course we went to see them! And of course no pictures. But Geneva adjusted my hips (amazing) and my 38 week fetus dropped into place. The next day they came down in spite of the giant snow storm (mad props to driving an hour in snowy road conditions to Geneva!) to attend my baby shower. I took them sledding after (they were kind enough to miss naps to play with us) and decided that sledding sounded like an adventure my fetus had to have in utero.. About 30 minutes later I had my first labor contraction and six and a half hours later.... 

Claire Eihblin Quillen was here! We tend to have babies at 9:59... Korrali was AM, Claire PM. They must be sisters or something.

Aww . 

They didn't have a nursery so I got to watch all of the medical stuff and make friends with all the techs who did them. This particular test was a hearing test. It wasn't painful, I think Claire just was making  a funny face. The tech had just come in from an early morning flight that had been delayed due to snow. She was happy to teach me that the ear microphones play waves of sound quietly and then the head sensors measure reaction. They each have a threshold that together tell us if a baby is hearing within normal boundaries. Its common for reaction time to differ between ears. If a newborn "fails" the first test, they are retested the next day before they leave. 

After a few hours thinking Claire was destined for NICU and IV antibiotics and antivirals and a spinal tap, we got the go ahead to go home to our under-construction apartment. We were able to negotiate a stall to our construction and left the hospital. Then, we brought Claire  home to sick family. We all took our turns wearing masks around her, and thanks to dinners from our ward and a few key days of 24hr help from our wonderful Grammy we made it through vomitous nights, diahhreal days without getting the newborn sick! 

We were soo happy to finally have all our family able to be together and kiss each other at will.

I think Claire was happy too. Or gassy.

Korrali is a stellar big sister.  She loves this new toy/ friend with all her heart.

I found her swinging the swing and singing rock-a-bye-baby. Once she was turning all the animals on this mobile sideways. I asked why, and she told me baby Claire couldn't see them so she was turning them to face her.

Other things have also been swung and played music to. They are always safely strapped in though.

First sibling bath. And last until Claire is bigger. Sometimes separate is better.

First outing together to the nearby playground. Claire was 2 weeks old.

We hiked around Garden of the Gods and K decided it was awesome because a friendly elderly employee at the visitors center gave her a free lollipop. The girl gets candy everywhere. 

We got a zoo pass and pay regularly to feed giraffes.

I don't remember what we cooked but I do remember saying "ok, here is the flour you can play with!" Somehow not anticipating the 1/4 cup would turn into flour covering the counter, the girl, the chairs, the floor and still have almost as much again left in the bowl. Silly silly me.

One benefit of a newborn is that my busy girl has become even busier. She is flourishing. She has been growing and discovering at a rate I had not anticipated possible. She has made her own discovery bottles (with a flourish of soap, water and random household items), her own lunch (flourishing on interesting combinations of things from the fridge), learned to perform acrobatics on the couch (bowing with a flourish), found my make up and used it while going potty (it took her about 2 minutes to both go potty and find and use the lipstick). She also has done modern art all over the house. Somehow finding the full rolls of toilet paper that I've hidden, or received them on the assumption she needs to wipe herself after going potty (she finished potty training herself too...) and then unrolling them all and telling me it's art.

We got another deep snow - the deepest it had been in 10 years!

yes, yes I am that crazy woman who takes her 3 week old out in a snow storm. We. had. to. get. out.

And the bunny newborn snow suit was begging to be worn.

The snow was up past my knees, but had some tracks there where the snow was packed down a bit to allow for easier walking.

Gong Hay Fat Choy!

(it's the year of the Monkey)

I used to play barefoot in the rain, so I kind of chuckled when this happened.

We went to play during a spell of 60 degree and up weather and met a ferret.

Sleepless in Chicago. And Colorado. Or, just Sleepless.

We thought we waited to get pregnant until Korrali was sleeping through the night without needing us. A few weeks after her second birthday we knew we were pregnant and thought "whew, just in time". A few weeks later we moved.
Days later we realized how wrong we were.

Recently J called me somewhere the Queen of Sleeplessness, or some such title. I laughed and thought.. nonono, that implies I have an answer! Then I realized that actually it is pretty accurate

1. I have a small piece of this thing called Sleeplessness that is my responsibility - I have to solve it's issues, deal with it repercussions, and research its possible answers. It may not be due to me, but it is mine until I abdicate and run, or the citizens rise up and replace me (unlikely, unfortunately), or I die.
2. I have to solve the everyday issues of its denizens, regardless of how I may personally be effected by it, I have a duty to its citizens to smile and patiently care for its needs.
3. I have a King - thank goodness I have someone to share the burden with
4. I speak in commiserating tones when I hear of a neighboring kingdoms and their King or Queen of LackofSleep, or NeverSleep, SleepingBetterIHope or even IHaveTwinsandEvenThoughTheySleepICant.

And my advice, unfortunately, will never be "here's what I did, just do X,Y,Z and your problems will be solved" Because sadly, I am a Queen. Not a magician, or a court jester if that's how my sleep-deprived brain wants to judge such advice.

I do feel blessed though, because despite the terrorist-torture I've undergone I haven't broken and given away information!! No wait, I did briefly but the new me has felt very blessed that as each new wave of Some New Reason We Don't Sleep hits that prayer and study and fasting have helped our family surf it out. I'm not sure what I would do without God. Explode probably.

Our Best Friend

This was an old post - I was going to rehash it but .. I think I'll just leave it as is.

Our family has undergone a lot of change recently - most of those changes will be thoroughly photo'd and explained later, but the most important change needs to be addressed here.

We are sad to announce the loss of our family's Best Friend and furry compadre - Teo. It has been almost a week, and I can finally sit back and think about it without mentally forcing him to the background. He meant a lot to our family, and to me particularly over the last couple of years.

He was by no means a perfect dog, but he was perfect for our family from the moment we met him at the Denver Dumb Friends League. If we are correct, he was just over 6 years old. We expected many more years to enjoy his playful, loving personality.

What does losing a dog mean? In part, it means less clean up. Less noise, less smell and fewer cookies stolen from unsuspecting fingers. It means fewer worries about the fears or incompatibilities of others. It also means a complete routine change for the family, it means a complete reversal to a lifestyle centered around an active and cuddly pet. It means I can't make good on my promise to my daughter to return to the off leash dog park she loved as much as Teo did soon. A thousand things about our everyday life are empty or new and strange. Selfishly, it means I lose my only companion whose life and love truly centered around me and my husband. It means a little bit of guilt over every moment that didn't go perfectly, and a little longing for every moment that did. It means explaining over and over to my 2 year old where her dog went. It means that even the more convenient things will bring a little stab of loneliness for a while and that every pet dog we see will make us long to be in that owners shoes for a few minutes.
It means we remember the wonderful, the frustrating, the silly, the at times a little dangerous, and always fun friend we had and we take the time we need to learn how to make this life fit us like a glove again.

Here we are at the very end..

And a few more of his last days..

And a few of my favorites and memorable ones.

At first, he was terrified of being caged. So his kennel was several times his size, and was bigger than our kitchen table.

When we first adopted him, we had to praise him every time he ate - or else he just wouldn't. We taught him to play, to love sitting on laps, to bark at squirrels (I still laugh about that last one) and to love water.

He had so much energy that he probably could have pulled us up Devil's Head. He almost did pull me up a much longer hike close by Grey's Peak. He loved hiking.

Toys pretty much all ended like this after 20 minutes.

His story: While I was away for the weekend visiting my sister, Teo was playing fetch and suddenly overshot the ball. He tumbled head over heels, cried, convulsed and was thereafter paralyzed in his right hind quarter. By the time J could race him to the vet, his temperature had spiked to a possibly brain-damaging level and through IV fluids and an ice bath he was able to recover enough to show an ascending spinal reaction to his lower back paralysis. (ie: a completely extended upper spine, front legs extended and hard as rocks.) An xray and thorough exam showed no broken bones anywhere, just one area in the lower back where Teo exhibited a pain response.The vet was perplexed - "Never seen this in my 21 years of being a vet". A canine neurologist was phoned "Strange, Completely perplexing". What do we do for him? "Let's give him medication for pain, muscle relaxants, and some prednisone and observe him overnight. 90% of the time dogs recover from pain overnight." But the entire staff was uncertain that he in specific would respond at all to treatment. Overnight he didn't want to eat or drink. He lay there, trembling and semi-sedated. I arrived home and when I got home he tried to get up to come to me. By this time he was laying outside on a blanket because he was incontinent and unable to rise by himself or stay upright on his own for long. I spent 45 minutes massaging him. I prayed to see him for how he as truly feeling, because all I could see was my desire to make him better. In an instant I could see the dilation of his eyes, the rigidity of every muscle, small or large, and the anxiety he underwent every time I stopped actively massaging and releasing endorphins. He communicated that he didn't want this for any length of time for further tests. After 35  minutes he finally stopped trembling constantly. After 40 he was able to close his eyes - the first time of actual rest in almost 24 hours. After the massage, he wanted to stand up and stay near me, so I helped him up and he lay by me and K in his favorite spot right under the swing and I threw a ball to his mouth so he could play while he lay down in the grass. In a few minutes we left and took him to the vet again. The vet mentioned that steroids sometimes worked for paralyses in the right conditions, but that it takes a lot of time and is best for dogs who aren't in constant pain. We had already agonized over our decision - we called alternative medicine doctors, pondered all of our options. We could have, and would have spent thousands of dollars in addition to the hundreds we had already spent on him if that was what he wanted. We wanted to. But in the end, it was his decision that he was done. I was lucky I could be with him until the end - the end when the doctor came in with the injection and Teo laid right down on the table and relaxed as much as possible before the injection even entered.

His end is a testimony to me that Heavenly Father loves all of his creations. I don't know why Teo had to go so early, when we were so unready to let him go. But I do know that if he could have chosen any way to go, this was it. Surrounded by family and loved ones, playing until the moment of decision, with enough time to properly say goodbye to those so important to his life. I know he has a spirit and that it has gone to a wonderful place. I miss him, and I can't wait to see him again.

A picture is worth a thousand words - or more

I have been absent from the blogosphere now for a few months. Not because I think it's not worthwhile, on the contrary - it's our family journal. I've started several - but since we moved I just have not had the free time.. so here is a picture to replace all those thousands of words.

Super sleuths,  what can you deduct from this picture? I looked around and realized that this one shot actually contains everything new, or almost everything, in our lives since May.

See if you got everything:
1. We moved to an apartment - it's in colorado springs (which you can't see in the photo)
2. Our furniture only fits right next to each other wall-to-wall - so the apartment is small.
3. Our photos are up on the wall - we've been here for a few months and are feeling mostly settled
4. There are some little girl clothes out - that is my partial give-away pile. Korrali is growing a lot
5. The diapers box has felt sticking out of it - it's our Sunday box and it's still out. Today is Thursday - which points to the fact that we haven't really been home a lot all week. This is typical.
6. There is a bottle of water - full and ready. I'm pregnant and must take copious amounts of water where ever I go - and I often drive for hours during the week.
7. My Sunday bag - I teach in nursery now and so my Sunday bag is close by the Sunday box ready to go... also since Sunday.
8. A candle - I was very sensitive to the repellent odors of our apartment. And am no longer so - so it's closed.
9. A photo of Teo - we lost our beloved furry friend at the end of June. We miss him a ton, but the picture helps. There is a post in the works about this too eventually.
10. Some trash - yep, again, no time for taking out the trash. We are on the go
11. A little red truck - when we are home we try to have friends over, so our toys are pretty much everywhere all the time. This one gets put back regularly though (go me!)
12. A white object- this is the guts of a glowbug toy. Korrali prefers to know just how things work, so the cute doll lives with our dolls and the music box part is the actual favorite toy. She is growing in to being able to open and explore almost everything. No really, almost EVERYTHING.
13. A child lock is on our deep freeze. See above.
14. A black objet - this is the battery pack to a self-jumping starter for our car. It's slick. It's out because we just used it - after which the keys were locked in the running car. After which our apartment was entered with a spare key, rummaged for the car spare key, only to discover our spare car key is actually not the spare to our car at all. Darn. During which time a wife was called to drive an hour down from Denver to turn off the car, work was missed, and said hour drive took almost two hours due to a brush fire caused by a jack-knifed oil tanker. The fire started about 20 minutes before wife arrived at the traffic block - how do I know? I saw the smoke start. We were very glad that wife always packs for a road trip when driving over an hour with a 2 year old. And we were glad to have the chance to call some family, which we seldom have much time for.
15. A massage table. Since June I've been traveling about once a week up to Denver to massage. Some of you reading this may remember a fall several years ago when I stayed in Arizona to attend a class about massage for people living with cancer. I finally have had the opportunity to use it, and our close family friend who blessed my life by allowing me to work with him is now at a stage where he no longer needs me so the table is once again sitting in my front hall waiting to be put away. We've said our good-byes, and I am now awaiting the opportunity to use the same table to help his wife cope with single mother-hood.
16. A blue sheet on the Sunday box - it was for a nursery lesson about baptism which I didn't end up having to teach. We still play river with the sheet anyway.
17. No little girl. She is sleeping. Which is a miracle. More on sleep in a separate post.
18. Trash. Yep, it's that kind of week. At least it's healthy trash. Oh and we do eat a ton of eggs - pregnant and toddler who doesn't care for much protein. That is trash from half of the quantity we buy at once.

Firehouse 2

My in-laws live right by a firehouse and we hear the sirens going quite often, so we decided to make them some cookies and hike up the hill to say thanks. We were lucky enough that J was home, so he drove us there and we all enjoyed our firehouse adventure. K got so excited about making cookies for them - I think it combined 2 of her great obsessions: sugar and firefighters.

I found a great recipe here that is easy for toddlers to help with, and while the cookies were in the oven she cooked me up a storm - "Je Cuisine, Mama"

Uncertain about being in such a tall and official fire truck, Korrali just sat and didn't even try to push buttons - I was worried about that - it is, after all, the real thing. 

They had coloring books and hats handy for children's visits - I was impressed.

They were kind enough to give us a mini tour, and K was shy, but was very pleased to be there and it was fun enough that I've decided we should keep on doing that other places we move to- they told us they don't often get thank you's from people who haven't directly benefitted from their help - ie: a victim of fire or other firefighter worthy visits. But I'm sure glad they are there - even if nothing ever happened I'd still be so glad they were right there just waiting to be the help we need. Thank you Fire Department for being there!