Our Best Friend

This was an old post - I was going to rehash it but .. I think I'll just leave it as is.

Our family has undergone a lot of change recently - most of those changes will be thoroughly photo'd and explained later, but the most important change needs to be addressed here.

We are sad to announce the loss of our family's Best Friend and furry compadre - Teo. It has been almost a week, and I can finally sit back and think about it without mentally forcing him to the background. He meant a lot to our family, and to me particularly over the last couple of years.

He was by no means a perfect dog, but he was perfect for our family from the moment we met him at the Denver Dumb Friends League. If we are correct, he was just over 6 years old. We expected many more years to enjoy his playful, loving personality.

What does losing a dog mean? In part, it means less clean up. Less noise, less smell and fewer cookies stolen from unsuspecting fingers. It means fewer worries about the fears or incompatibilities of others. It also means a complete routine change for the family, it means a complete reversal to a lifestyle centered around an active and cuddly pet. It means I can't make good on my promise to my daughter to return to the off leash dog park she loved as much as Teo did soon. A thousand things about our everyday life are empty or new and strange. Selfishly, it means I lose my only companion whose life and love truly centered around me and my husband. It means a little bit of guilt over every moment that didn't go perfectly, and a little longing for every moment that did. It means explaining over and over to my 2 year old where her dog went. It means that even the more convenient things will bring a little stab of loneliness for a while and that every pet dog we see will make us long to be in that owners shoes for a few minutes.
It means we remember the wonderful, the frustrating, the silly, the at times a little dangerous, and always fun friend we had and we take the time we need to learn how to make this life fit us like a glove again.

Here we are at the very end..

And a few more of his last days..

And a few of my favorites and memorable ones.

At first, he was terrified of being caged. So his kennel was several times his size, and was bigger than our kitchen table.

When we first adopted him, we had to praise him every time he ate - or else he just wouldn't. We taught him to play, to love sitting on laps, to bark at squirrels (I still laugh about that last one) and to love water.

He had so much energy that he probably could have pulled us up Devil's Head. He almost did pull me up a much longer hike close by Grey's Peak. He loved hiking.

Toys pretty much all ended like this after 20 minutes.

His story: While I was away for the weekend visiting my sister, Teo was playing fetch and suddenly overshot the ball. He tumbled head over heels, cried, convulsed and was thereafter paralyzed in his right hind quarter. By the time J could race him to the vet, his temperature had spiked to a possibly brain-damaging level and through IV fluids and an ice bath he was able to recover enough to show an ascending spinal reaction to his lower back paralysis. (ie: a completely extended upper spine, front legs extended and hard as rocks.) An xray and thorough exam showed no broken bones anywhere, just one area in the lower back where Teo exhibited a pain response.The vet was perplexed - "Never seen this in my 21 years of being a vet". A canine neurologist was phoned "Strange, Completely perplexing". What do we do for him? "Let's give him medication for pain, muscle relaxants, and some prednisone and observe him overnight. 90% of the time dogs recover from pain overnight." But the entire staff was uncertain that he in specific would respond at all to treatment. Overnight he didn't want to eat or drink. He lay there, trembling and semi-sedated. I arrived home and when I got home he tried to get up to come to me. By this time he was laying outside on a blanket because he was incontinent and unable to rise by himself or stay upright on his own for long. I spent 45 minutes massaging him. I prayed to see him for how he as truly feeling, because all I could see was my desire to make him better. In an instant I could see the dilation of his eyes, the rigidity of every muscle, small or large, and the anxiety he underwent every time I stopped actively massaging and releasing endorphins. He communicated that he didn't want this for any length of time for further tests. After 35  minutes he finally stopped trembling constantly. After 40 he was able to close his eyes - the first time of actual rest in almost 24 hours. After the massage, he wanted to stand up and stay near me, so I helped him up and he lay by me and K in his favorite spot right under the swing and I threw a ball to his mouth so he could play while he lay down in the grass. In a few minutes we left and took him to the vet again. The vet mentioned that steroids sometimes worked for paralyses in the right conditions, but that it takes a lot of time and is best for dogs who aren't in constant pain. We had already agonized over our decision - we called alternative medicine doctors, pondered all of our options. We could have, and would have spent thousands of dollars in addition to the hundreds we had already spent on him if that was what he wanted. We wanted to. But in the end, it was his decision that he was done. I was lucky I could be with him until the end - the end when the doctor came in with the injection and Teo laid right down on the table and relaxed as much as possible before the injection even entered.

His end is a testimony to me that Heavenly Father loves all of his creations. I don't know why Teo had to go so early, when we were so unready to let him go. But I do know that if he could have chosen any way to go, this was it. Surrounded by family and loved ones, playing until the moment of decision, with enough time to properly say goodbye to those so important to his life. I know he has a spirit and that it has gone to a wonderful place. I miss him, and I can't wait to see him again.