narcissus

So a cousin of mine blogged about a book - living in the age of entitlement: the narcissism epidemic.
It argues that (and here I paraphrase a paraphrasing) the internet allows people to be narcissistic with their posts and updates.
I had more to say than anyone would want to read in a comment, so here is my response.

My opinion is that narcissism is a condition where an individual is obsessed with themselves, and has no thoughts at all for anyone or anything else. This happens too seldom to humans for it to be called an epidemic - everyone at least cares for one person's well being, or a plant, or an animal. I am reminded of a French movie, where the character learns to appreciate friendship as an emotion, not as a checklist, ergo becoming human instead of narcissistic and underdeveloped emotionally.

I think we want to reach out to others, and that is why we post about ourselves. We tell the world - or anyone who cares to read or watch - about our triumphs, goof-ups, meals, and habits. In ye olden tymes this would have been done through letter writing, and those who we sent letters to would eagerly read and re-read any details we recorded. Now this process takes seconds, instead of days, and we can reach a wider group of family and friends. I can catch up with a friend's life without taking a horse-drawn coach for a week; I think this is not narcissism, but the desires of humans to reach out and touch one another. Sometimes people choose to post inane things - that is their choice, and i don't have to read. Sometimes people choose to post racist, brutal, bullying, or vulgar things. My opinion is that this is wrong, just as any intent to harm is wrong. Still not narcissism though.

I also think that complaining about someone else doing better than you is due to a misplaced feeling of entitlement. Now I don't think gloating is good, but I believe gloating aims to put others down, and sharing lifts others up. Calling them both the same thing is just plain silly.

So what makes a statement a gloat, and what makes it a share?

Entitlement. This i believe IS an epidemic. The United States was founded on principles of God-given rights - or what every human deserves and should be able to expect without punishment or payment. We have taken this and run with it, interpreting everything we desire to be a basic right. I believe we are entitled to rights to live without being brutalized or oppressed. I also believe we have the right to act and take credit for those actions. I think people who have a lot will think they deserve what they have and more. I have found the poorer i have been the less I feel like I personally deserve it and the more I realize I have been blessed with more than I need.


Examples of undeserved entitlement are:

1The student/athlete who feels they should get good grades/good scores without following rules and working hard OR
The teacher who insults their students verbally and expects their respect

When I was a young student I had a teacher who called me stupid, and accused me of cheating on my homework because I did not perform well on tests. It was frustrating, and while he lost my respect, I worked hard to complete assignments. Because I DID do all my homework I managed a B in the class. I did NOT ask my parents to make him give me a good grade, because I was NOT entitled to special treatment because I had bad experiences, but I WAS entitled to achieving a grade I worked for. I ended up liking the man, but only because he never graded me on our personality differences. In other words: he did not demand that I respect him in spite of his untrue accusations.

2. The person who expects special treatment because they are them, while others are clearly also needing attention.

I work for a physical therapist and work with patients on an appointment basis. A false sense of entitlement sometimes rears its ugly head when patients who are not on the schedule, or who come in at an unscheduled time expect to be seen right away and then become angry when they are not.
I believe in good patient care, and I believe i can help many people become pain-free. And, sometimes out of courtesy people SHOULD be given special privilege. But chaos ensues when people are not willing to follow an order, when people in any situation assume they should get something they have not followed the correct steps to obtain.

But, there are those who would argue that receiving exactly what we earned is a poor reflection of effort, and judges too harshly those who have lesser natural ability.
What do you think? Are we entitled to a reward based on a personalized standard - where because we have done our best we should achieve the same as someone with more natural talent doing THEIR best?